If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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