Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
