Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
