you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
