I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So many bounce houses so little time
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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