ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
