I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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