How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
