i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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