I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i was born a porn star she said
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
