Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize