There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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