I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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