Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
