You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
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I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
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FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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