tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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