Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Success! We fucked roommates!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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