I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize