I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
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