Texts From Last Night

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?

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  (603): You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular? http://tfl.nu/marg
  Replies (7) Good night (2212) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.

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  (812): There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better. http://tfl.nu/hacu
  Replies (11) Good night (2379) Bad night (1021) Order T-Shirt
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.

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  (414): I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat. http://tfl.nu/rv4w
  Replies (18) Good night (4389) Bad night (943) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"

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  (608): and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM" http://tfl.nu/3pco
  Replies (26) Good night (1543) Bad night (7274) Order T-Shirt
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.

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  (787): She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work. http://tfl.nu/8rxz
  Replies (39) Good night (852) Bad night (4186) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin

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  (610): just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin http://tfl.nu/q7yy
  Replies (2) Good night (2745) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.

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  (408): Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something. http://tfl.nu/it4y
  Replies (15) Good night (2612) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
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  (867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

  Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?

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  (867): Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win? http://tfl.nu/oq5t
  Replies (16) Good night (1442) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras

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  (301): Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras http://tfl.nu/fw4u
  Replies (11) Good night (2694) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.

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  (919): I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned. http://tfl.nu/aln7
  Replies (4) Good night (1768) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.

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  (218): You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears. http://tfl.nu/cuw5
  Replies (24) Good night (4034) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
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  (875): View more from

  I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.

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  (875): I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant. http://tfl.nu/vus0
  Replies (16) Good night (916) Bad night (325) Order T-Shirt
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge

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  (774): I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge http://tfl.nu/5u98
  Replies (6) Good night (1031) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today

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  (306): I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today http://tfl.nu/t6ni
  Replies (0) Good night (796) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter

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  (907): I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter http://tfl.nu/wvk4
  Replies (12) Good night (574) Bad night (442)

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