Texts From Last Night

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.

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  (732): I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one. http://tfl.nu/pu4o
  Replies (12) Good night (606) Bad night (2907)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.

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  (201): Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag. http://tfl.nu/pvf6
  Replies (22) Good night (5806) Bad night (612)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.

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  (952): history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it. http://tfl.nu/1q62
  Replies (17) Good night (6486) Bad night (1065)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.

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  (314): i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting. http://tfl.nu/k93x
  Replies (44) Good night (3934) Bad night (4426)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level

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  (516): I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level http://tfl.nu/2gco
  Replies (3) Good night (2065) Bad night (1020)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?

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  (403): You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something? http://tfl.nu/hj44
  Replies (17) Good night (4700) Bad night (1314)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.

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  (321): It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical. http://tfl.nu/ps02
  Replies (17) Good night (3169) Bad night (806)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass

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  (336): For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass http://tfl.nu/ljpj
  Replies (9) Good night (605) Bad night (1126)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.

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  (704): CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY. http://tfl.nu/twru
  Replies (6) Good night (1039) Bad night (419)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.

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  (+44): Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok. http://tfl.nu/txm6
  Replies (0) Good night (430) Bad night (715)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.

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  (801): If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run. http://tfl.nu/bk6l
  Replies (4) Good night (464) Bad night (1027)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.

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  (540): Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents. http://tfl.nu/vksy
  Replies (11) Good night (505) Bad night (920)
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  (916): View more from California

  Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless

  (209): View more from California

  Sacramento doesn't deserve you

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  (916): Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless (209): Sacramento doesn't deserve you http://tfl.nu/wsxj
  Replies (5) Good night (790) Bad night (318)
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  (818): View more from California

  I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads

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  (818): I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads http://tfl.nu/it8j
  Replies (5) Good night (426) Bad night (396)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.

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  (774): Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously. http://tfl.nu/yusm
  Replies (0) Good night (557) Bad night (270)

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