Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?