idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?