Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?

(201): View more from New Jersey

obviously you're part succubus.

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(609): Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf? (201): obviously you're part succubus. http://tfl.nu/sqeb

Replies (8) Good night (2541) Bad night (899)
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(720): View more from Colorado

the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.

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(720): the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom. http://tfl.nu/h1iv

Replies (13) Good night (971) Bad night (3423)
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(862): View more from New Jersey

She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.

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(862): She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times. http://tfl.nu/p78w

Replies (22) Good night (4646) Bad night (780)
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(606): View more from Kentucky

That's why Kanye is a gay fish.

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(606): That's why Kanye is a gay fish. http://tfl.nu/hy3e

Replies (103) Good night (8545) Bad night (961)
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(214): View more from Texas

someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet

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(214): someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet http://tfl.nu/kl5a

Replies (23) Good night (3788) Bad night (686)
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(718): View more from New York

I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.

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(718): I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary. http://tfl.nu/e3xl

Replies (155) Good night (8333) Bad night (8679)
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(716): View more from New York

i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.

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(716): i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody. http://tfl.nu/l0aj

Replies (7) Good night (3397) Bad night (893)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...

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(605): Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away... http://tfl.nu/4asr

Replies (4) Good night (1348) Bad night (1253)
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(775): View more from Nevada

She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.

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(775): She called to say she's single and blow job season is back. http://tfl.nu/ndvl

Replies (7) Good night (3821) Bad night (781)
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(506): View more from New Brunswick

my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend

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(506): my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend http://tfl.nu/ehpb

Replies (14) Good night (4875) Bad night (869)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"

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(402): The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?" http://tfl.nu/ovas

Replies (11) Good night (799) Bad night (1508)
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(912): View more from Georgia

If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.

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(912): If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight. http://tfl.nu/iyrl

Replies (2) Good night (913) Bad night (548)
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(301): View more from Maryland

All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"

(301): View more from Maryland

I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point

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(301): All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!" (301): I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point http://tfl.nu/5hj0

Replies (1) Good night (702) Bad night (335)
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(714): View more from California

I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.

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(714): I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets. http://tfl.nu/myn2

Replies (1) Good night (661) Bad night (369)
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(713): View more from Texas

If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"

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(713): If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in" http://tfl.nu/euzu

Replies (8) Good night (627) Bad night (341)

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