sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize