my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.