did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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