I faked an abortion last night.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
