Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????