Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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