Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you