I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.