saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.