Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.