Sponge bath it is.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you