so I'm never txting u again after today...
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.