i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
