You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
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I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
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He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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