chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
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Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
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I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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