yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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