If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
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Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
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The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?