Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.