I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.