i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
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NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
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also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you