i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.