i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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