well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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