Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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