I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
