I accidentally burped into my bong.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I want her autograph on my taint
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
