Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize