I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She's JV to your varsity
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize