Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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