the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
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