I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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