I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She said her name was "party"
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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