I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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