So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
my poor anus
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize