I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
