i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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