Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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