somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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