All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
