I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
