My nipple is on Facebook.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
