how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wish i was in the wii world.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
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Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
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You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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